And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i believe in u and ur pee
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
