so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize