I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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