He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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