Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
