That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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