nut hugger
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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