On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
