He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
