I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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