I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
