TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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