im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
