Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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