It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
