I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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