It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
