Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
