google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
