i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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