Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
