Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
