She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
