I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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