Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
