I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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