Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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