Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
