flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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