The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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