i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
