You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
