Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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