theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
