i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
