But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize