My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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