Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I have aggressive nipples.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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