the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
