sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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