I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
