i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
