I could have mohawked her pubes.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
