just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize