it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
