I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
