It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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