.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
