Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
