the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
