you would pick up someone in the library
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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