so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
