fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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