I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
