So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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