Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
