pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize