i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
