I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
