Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
