i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
