oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
