I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize