I CAN MOONWALK!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
