Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
