that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize