you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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