it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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