I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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